Web Lingo

Web Lingo

Written By Jeffrey Gitomer

KING OF SALES, The author of seventeen best-selling books including The Sales Bible, The Little Red Book of Selling, and The Little Gold Book of Yes! Attitude. His live coaching program, Sales Mastery, is available at gitomer.me.


Latest terms to add to your vocabulary so that you can communicate in any ever changing e-world

Blamestorming – Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager – A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits all over everything and then leaves.

Blowing your buffer – Losing your train of thought.

Salmon day – The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.

CLM Career-limiting move – Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Assmosis – The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Adminisphere – The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Dilberted – To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. “I’ve been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”

Flight Risk – Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404 – Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found”, meaning that the requested document could not be located. “Don’t bother asking him…he’s 404, man.”

Keyboard Plaque – The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Ohnosecond – That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. – It is immediately followed by swearing and that really sick feeling in the pit of your stomach!

Percussive Maintenance – The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging – When someone yells or drops something loudly in a “cube farm” (an office full of cubicles) and everyone’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

* Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Larry, he’s the alpha geek around here.”

* Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

* Concepting: Devising concepts. Formerly “thinking.”

* Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

* Ego Surfing: Scanning the ‘Net, databases, print media, and

so on, looking for references to one’s own name.

* Mouse Potato: The wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

* Outhousing: The desire to get out of the house after too much time spent working in a home office.

* Presenteeism: When an employee is at work but not doing anything productive.

* Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. “We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.”

* Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

* Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: “You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance.”

* Weekblending: Postweekend business and leisure culture,

when people work and play when they want.

From a collection of e-mails sent to Jeffrey Gitomer — slightly edited and revised. If you’d like to add to the collection e-mail me at jeffrey@gitomer.com